If flying was a dream

If flying was a dream, I wouldn't be in a place that keeps me bound. If flying was a dream, I would be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

When your feet leave the ground for just one split second, you can feel how much it is different to when you are forced to stay by gravity. When your in the air, even for a split second, you are not forced, you are on your own.

Everyone has felt this before, if they had wanted to or not.

When I was younger and first learned how to ride my bike, all I wanted to do was go fast. Faster than the wind, faster than the boy next door who kept bragging about having the nicer bike, and that my girly one wouldn't be able to keep up. I wanted to be the wind, or at least as free, making it easy to go wherever I wanted to go, having a bike was a nice start.

There was a forest close by, the children weren't really allowed to play in there, because it led right into the lower part of town close to the busy street. One day, when the boy next door challenged me to race him through the forest down the dangerous way, I was all up for it. My heart was pumping with adrenaline, I wanted to win. I wanted to shove his pride and his bike up his ... never mind. That day, I remember it well, I learned how to fly, not the way most people think, no it was different.

We raced through the forest, over branches, past giant rocks and by the busy street, I was close to catching up, I was close enough to hear the chain creak, I was too close to see the branch. I flew high up, over my handle, seeing how my bike hit the floor, seeing how everything else went into slow motion.

The feeling of flying through the sky was undescribeable. You feel the wind around you, you feel like everything just stopped for you.

Until.

You hit back into reality. Or in my case. The ground.

Ok, so I was a kid, and cried afterwards, but my point is, that the feeling is never gone from your system.

If flying was a dream, I would want to dream it every night.

A friend got this really nice trampoline, one where about 5 people could jump at the same time, going higher and higher.
I sneaked out at night one summer, thinking about how great it must be like to see the stars while jumping, wanting to try and catch some...yes I know girly thoughts, but I don't care.
That night the sky was cloudless, the stars were so bright, so close. And I was going to break the record of jumping high. Sneaking around the back of the house, climbing the trampoline, taking one last breath, bending my knees and up. I came down a few times before I had reached the perfect height.
The few seconds that I felt weightless in the air while looking at the stars were unbelievable. If it hadn't been for the friends father chasing me away with a broom stick, I would have continued to jump and just enjoy the silence.

If dreaming was like flying, I wouldn't have to wish.

an essay story...open ended

save keeping ... really thats all this is for now

My life in the orphanage is something that is difficult to describe. Since I was four years old have I been living in it, the years before it are only small shimmering lights. I can’t remember any faces or happenings, what I remember are places like my room, I must have shared it with a younger sibling of mine. There was a crib and I remember coughing, the person in the crib was coughing. That is everything about my real home.

Now I’m almost 18 years old, old enough to leave this horrid place. I don’t care who my real family was anymore, they gave me the worst 14 years of my life by leaving me at the doors of the orphanage. As soon as I turn 18, I will leave and start my own life.
The people from the bookstore, where I work at, said that I could work there full time. I was glad about it, I would finally be able to drop out of school, a place even worse than the orphanage, and move into a small apartment close to the bookstore. I’ve been saving since I was ten years old, when I realized that no one would ever adopt me, because I was too old already. Seeing how the small ones got taken in one by one hurt a lot, but I swore that I would never cry a single tear ever again.
The last time I cried was the day when I lost my only friend I ever had, Yolei, she was always nice to me and liked to smile. She was in the same class as me and lived somewhere in Kohan Falls with her family. It was until the day she moved to Sebnan, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told her I hated her for having the life I would never have. I was jealous. We had a fight and didn’t talk anymore with each other. It’s been four years now. Where she is and what she is doing, I can’t say, but I wish I had kept my words to myself at that time. Maybe everything would have been different. Better. Nicer.

I asked the nun, who watched the floor of the villa I was living on, why people hated me so much. I was thinking I would get an answer like “no one hates you” or “why do you think that?”, but the nun didn’t even look me in the eye, just held her cross tight. Was she praying back then?
She answered me a while after. “You my child, you are the unluckiest child. Your parents must have sold your soul to the devil.” I wasn’t shocked. Not at all. That I was the unluckiest bastard in the world wasn’t unknown to me. That I was a devils child? Nope. That’s something I have heard every single day at school and at the orphanage. What I had read every day and what got hit and kicked into me every day.
But hearing it from the adult, who should love the children that she was watching, was too much for me. I wanted to run away, but what would it get me? Children, who ran away from the orphanage, were severally punished. I didn’t want to be more bruised than I already was. Yet, I wasn’t stupid enough to take my own life. Why run away to a place that would be even worse than life? Worse than every day I had spent in this villa and at school. No, I wasn’t stupid and kept living, but maybe that made me stupid. I didn’t want to figure it out, maybe I was scared, I don’t know. The truth is more painful than lies. A lot more. Will my life change when I leave this place? Or will there be just more people like the ones I already know and hate.

Can’t someone tell me?

Can’t someone save me?

Take me from this place! To a better one!

Just away from here, I don’t care about being lonely; I don’t care about being alone!
Anywhere but here!


Another day. Another place.

I like working at the bookstore, it’s as if everything that happened to me that day was forgotten.
I don’t have to talk to a lot of customers, because I was busy packing and stacking books into the shelves. I was allowed to read as many books as I wanted and I got a discount, which I rarely used. The bookstore is a really big building; many people used it as a library like me. The atmosphere is nice and friendly, the people who work here are like family to another.

“Sydney? Could you take these into the lab?”
The lab is the room where we fix the books that are about to fall apart. “Sure, just a second.” I told the manager before taking the cart with the needed books. “You can take a break after that.”
The manager is a really nice person; we even share the same last name. That’s something that always reminded me of my real family. I thought about how it would be like to have siblings. ‘What would it be like to have such a nice sister like the manager?’ I was too deep in thought to notice how I drove into the edge of a bookshelf. It was falling in slow motion right on me, but my luck the book cart was in front of me and took the hit and not me. But I got the books on me and that hurt enough already.

“SYD!” the manager saw everything and was right next to me without a notice. “Sydney, are you alright?” she was throwing the books of me and pulled me out. “Are you hurt?” Questions over questions. “Uh – I’m fine.” I whispered and opened my eyes slowly.
“Should I take you to the hospital or home? I don’t want to think about what your parents will say.”
I winced and remembered that Jamie, the manager, didn’t know I lived in the orphanage. “No. It’s alright. Don’t worry.” I said and stood up. What would Jamie think of me if she knew? If she knew I was planning to drop out of school just to work at a nice place like the bookstore? She thought I would wait at least after I graduated.
“You make me worry a lot you know. You remind me of my little brother; he’s ill but still wants to do everything on his own. I wonder how my sister would have been like.” Jamie said quietly.

I heard this story before, Jamie had a little sister, but she died when she was still young. If she was still alive, she would be the same age as me. I wonder if we would have been friends.

“What was her name?”
“You know, as much as I loved her, I can’t remember. We always called her Sissi, or just little one. I was only eight at that time, it’s been too long.” I felt sorry for Jamie, losing someone at that age must have been difficult for her and her family. “She was really cute. She loved to call me Jam, my elder brothers were Lulu and Kuku to her. The youngest, Oli, doesn’t know he had another sister.”
She wasn’t crying, I think she already did that often enough, but she grabbed me and took me into a hug. Pain ran through my body. Maybe the books hit me harder than I thought.

March 2008

Mission H.U.G.

alright, so I will have some people knowing this story with different names, but I thought these make it more fitting in the blog...well I need a save place to have all of them...

It was mission H.U.G..
Rike, short Ri or Monkey, was positioning herself under the kitchen table, knowing that her sister would be back at exactly 1600 hours. Only a little time left until the mission would take its way, she was trying to blend in with the floor, dressed in white. 'Mission Possible about to start, over.' she spoke into the walky-talky she held in her hand. 'Maybe I should have asked someone to take the second walky-talky, nah!'
Only 30 seconds left.

20.

10.

On time as always Alex opened the door and entered. Tired from school and too lazy to take her stuff into her room she put down everything next to the door, maybe saying that she threw everything next to the door would be better. She took her shoes off and her jacket and stretched. While yawning she thought how great it was to be home again.

Meanwhile under the kitchen table the moving part of the floor made its way slowly but steady to the living room, where Alex was going.
Rolling from the left side of the hall way to the right side into Alex’s room, looking carefully if she was found out and then she crawled after her target.

Alex saw her favourite place in the whole world! The couch. 'All mine!' she thought and was about to fall face first into the cushions, when she felt someone watching her. She turned around, but couldn't see a thing. 'Hm. Must be imagining things.'
At the same time, Ri was cramped in the small dog house that was in the living room, normaly used for the toys. 'That was close.' with that she crawled out and saw how her sister placed the cushions into the right position.

She jumped!

„What the hell!“ Alex shouted out of shock.

„Welcome Home! Meow.“ Ri clinging to her sisters back was what made the mission complete. She took out the walky-talky. „Mission completed, over!“

April 2008

The Voice inside the Silence

I got a bit weird and wrote without thinking, which is why this turned out to be real crap. I doubt that it will interest anyone, which is why this is just for me, to remind me how thinking is better at some points. Well, actually. This shows everyone how much thinking is important.

‘With the light shining bright in the sky, the earth warmed. Clouds moving by slowly as if the heat made them tired. The people in town walked aimlessly from one place to another, their destinations only being one small part in their life.‘

”Cut the crap.” a voice disturbed the silence. “What’s all this talk about sun, clouds and people? Make sense of it or get out.”

’In a dark town, people had been living in fear and danger for centuries now.’

”Is this going to be something about monsters?” the voice interrupted again.

’Michel and Lena were once the brightest people in a bunch of idiots.’

”Comedy isn’t really what we are looking for.”

A glass shattered on the floor.

”And what was that for?” the voice asked.

The person the voice was talking to was standing close to a small lamp that only showed a bit of that persons face. It was a young woman, maybe in her mid twenties. The woman showed an annoyed and angered face. It was the voice that had got to her so bad that she wished she knew where to find the person who the voice belonged to, to show how much it frustrated her.
She took a deep breath and started again.

’When there is no way out, what do you do? A voice making you feel nervous, depressed, mad or annoyed is all that you hear. Wouldn’t you want to find the person and kick them where it hurts?’

“Hey, that’s not funny.”

‘To creep the person out bit by bit, paying back all those terrible moments that went through your head?’

”Would you stop it?!”

‘Moving in closer and closer till you make them fear even the slightest blink of you.’

The woman stood up from her spot, turned off the lamp. There was only the sound of footsteps that was to be heard. She moved slowly, carefully and goal orientated. It would seem like she belonged to the darkness.

”Woman, stay back! I’m telling you this is not right.” The voice spoke with fear, with a tint of nervousness. “I’m going to call the cops!”

’The person will know that the fear that was supposed to be put onto others is passing on to them, making them realize they got themselves into a situation without an escape.’

The woman was still moving, but where did she want to go? She moved with a goal in mind, with a decision she made, it was her plan to fulfill it to perfection.
Something landed on the floor with a loud thud. The echo coming again and again, making the silence appear even closer. The woman began to laugh.

”What the hell? What do you want from me?” The voice sounded broken from fear. Was this going to be the end of the voice in the woman’s head?

Yes this is what my mind does to me.... I'm sorry?!